BIRTH OF A CAMPAIGN
This is a satirical work of fiction. Except for the public figures named outright, resemblance to any actual person is purely coincidental.
SETTING: A fictional smoke-filled room
CHARACTERS: Brad, a fictional senior Republican Party strategist, and Chad, a fictional newer, younger, senior Republican Party strategist
CHAD: Dr. Ben Carson? The African-American Neurosurgeon on FOX?
BRAD: Of course!
CHAD: Isn’t he too controversial?
BRAD: Naw. Not at all. He’s perfect. You gotta think outside the box, son. A whole bunch of Democrats might vote for him just because he’s black. They do that, ya know, them liberals. Even if they don’t, they can’t criticize him because we will have one of them race cards. We will have racism immunity too, so they can’t say a word when we call a spade a spade, so to speak. Ha ha. No offense. I like you son. Nobody’s gotta worry about every little thing they say around you. You gotta have a sense of humor, ya know. But anyhow, listen up and I am going to teach you how it’s done.
CHAD: Uh, OK Brad. It’s an honor to work with you.
BRAD: *grins and pats Chad on the back* Here’s the deal. The conservative base, the teaparty, and the libertarians love the guy. The more controversial he is, the more they love him. The more the liberal media criticizes him, the more they love him. He keeps that wing of the party engaged, and he frees up the President, the future President, *laughs*, to be the moderate one. The one who will pull in the fence-sitters. It is a great combination!
CHAD: What about experience? Couldn’t this be another Palin?
BRAD: This is an entirely different situation. Besides, what’s wrong with Palin?
CHAD: How’s it different?
BRAD: Jeb is young.
CHAD: *pauses a beat. Then nods.* Ah. OK. So who is going to be the foreign policy expert?
BRAD: George and Poppy will help him. Everybody knows that.
CHAD: People hated George when he left office.
BRAD: We’ve fixed that.
CHAD: Poppy is old.
BRAD: Aw, man. He will be around until election time. If not, we will throw a fabulous, sentimental funeral, make a big fuss that outshines any official statement Obama makes. O will look like he isn’t showing enough respect and our people will call him on it. That would be OK too. The whole thing is a win-win. I’m excited!
CHAD: Genius.
Confessions of a Southern White Woman 